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The numb fingers

>> and the restless mind....

What i should be doing at this hour:

  • quit my job, once more because this ain't my job

       If the above happens (which would not!)..the following hold

  • Learn the keyboard and violin to the extent that they become partners till i want them to be ;)
  • Understand the nuances of carnatic music theoretically.

I remember in my first class of Digital Signal Processing, when the instructor was drawing the digital levels, the first or may be second thing i visualised was musical notes and all that funda behind bandwidth etc fit into the thing so nicely. I took it for granted that science would make everything so easy just like that.
I discovered , i do not know much inspite of my association with the field for a long time. I have always been a performer , singing for others. Now , i want to know music for myself...
It was one day when i just confessed in front of somebody that if there was one thing which eliminated the need for people as a stimulant to let me live, it would be music! But i am not that learned that i can rely on that completely.

  • Hit atleast one vacation alone/myself ..(I had meticulously decreased involvement of people in my expeditions .. the last one just being    with one more person!)

  • Get my hair real short ( For two years , had them straightened .. aah that was one grooming!)..this might go to the extremes of baldness and then i will look like one mal-nourished ,under privileged elongated homo-sapien! ;)

  • Get my nose pierced (long contemplation and finally decided i want one!)

  • Understand Physics (Yes, this is my new found interest.. i feel like picking up the first physics book , read everything and get my mechanics right ;))

I remember my +2 days and other classes .. while Maths was the only things which strangely seemed to have my heart in it .., Physical chemistry was another area which kept me sane. But somehow Physics never crossed my mental bars other than the newton rants...electromagnetics kept me frowning! I always felt people who do not get Physics are actually impaired and so am i :P!
Then there was more to follow, you can never find a good Physics instructor, it is one subject one gets to think about and find the reasons himself/herself.
I tried a lot , even during my engineering days , maths would eat up my time and focus and passion and Physics will always remain in my dreams.

So, now moi wants to get her Physics right! ;) (Give me pointers , all those who can)

What is keeping me from quitting

  • High dependency on money for the time being
  • My extreme affinity to boredom which i am trying to regulate. I had realised it in the 3rd month of my first job that anything/anybody which/who makes me sit on one thing for a stipulated long period of time would not see my contribution for long. But if i have to make a difference in anything or to myself , i have to prevent this from happening. Survival! So, i stay! phew!


As the first would not happen anywhere in the near future, so do the other 'to-do's. Wish time was not an exhaustible resource .. :)
and obviously all that i made you read was  just a whimsical draft of how i would want the 'i' to be!

All this..while my brain is on its way to the graveyard .. ;)